I will cherish thee
by LostMyHeartToHim
Summary: When those bluer-than-sky eyes had glazed over, it had felt like someone had torn his insides apart and removed something He can still feel the empty spot inside of him calling out for the missing A companion piece to


Spock's feet hit the ground rhythmically. The sound of his footsteps seem to be the only thing he can hear from the rage that is clouding his mind. Logic has betrayed him, but right now he could not care less. His only purpose is to kill the man that has caused the death of his captain.

When those bluer-than-sky eyes had glazed over, it had felt like someone had torn his insides apart and removed something vital. He can still feel the empty spot inside of him calling out for the missing part. He shakes his head to vanish those feelings so that he can concentrate on his chase.

He sees his prey jump on top of the hover-car and doesn't stop to think about the illogic of his actions before jumping after him. He grabs tightly the bottom of the car and pulls himself up. Khan seizes him by his arm and throws him against the 'car wing.

~o~

"Because you needed each other. I could not deprive you of the revelation of all that you could accomplish together, of a friendship that will define you both in ways you cannot yet realize." He listens to his older self with much doubt. How could he ever feel friendship for a man like James Kirk?

~o~

His enemy is brutal and Spock is losing to him, fast. He tries to use a nerve-pinch but Khan doesn't even buckle. The man just grabs his neck and starts strangling him. Before Khan succeeds on crushing his neck, Spock reaches for Khan's meld points and pours all his rage and sorrow through the link between their minds.

~o~

"The truth is, I'm going to miss you." His captain sounds so honest and looks at him with so much warmth that Spock freezes. He wants to tell this man how much he values their friendship, how important this man is to him. But he cannot and then the moment is over.

~o~

Khan throws him across the car ceiling, clearly shaken, and jumps from the edge. Spock doesn't even hesitate before jumping after him.

~o~

"I cannot allow you to do this." He says when he turns his captain around. Jim feels warm under his palm.

~o~

Spock is losing consciousness and is barely even aware of his surroundings when Nyota beams down, pulls a phaser from her belt and starts shooting. The shots make Khan stagger on his feet.

_Yes, yes_ goes the feral beast inside of him.

Spock looks around and tears a metal piece off of the hover-car. He raises it and hits. Now the only thing he cares about is crushing this _stislak_ who stole his _las'hark_ from him. He remembers this man's words only from hours earlier.

_You, you can't even break a rule - how can you be expected to break bone?_

_Fa-wak shroi ri nash-veh nemut zhitlar_, he thinks furiously when he grabs the _stislak_'s arm and pulls.

~o~

His captain is looking at him with fear in his eyes.

"I'm afraid Spock, help me not to be. How do you choose not to feel?" Spock shakes his head. No, anything but this. Anything at all. Not now when he's losing the control of his emotions. Not when tears are filling his human eyes.

_Please do not ask me how to purge the best part of yourself._

"I do not know. Right now I'm failing."

~o~

Images of Jim smiling and laughing and Jim just being Jim, the most illogical and the most human being he has ever met go through his mind when he hits this _shirshos'im_ over and over again.

He doesn't hear Uhura's pleas nor does he care to hear. He only wants to satisfy the beast inside of him whose demand is clear. _Stau!_

"Spock, stop! He's the only way we can save Kirk! "

He pauses and looks at crying Nyota. _Save Kirk._ Spock glances at the man at his feet before raising the bar.

~o~

He sees that his captain is trying to say something. Sees his mouth forming the start of sentence. Then his captain is no more. Wrath, the kind he has never experienced before, fills him and he screams his enemy's name like a curse to the empty space.

"_KHAAAANNNNN!_"

~o~

_Kup-fun-tor ha'kiv na'ish du stau?_

The logical answer is no. But his captain has always been the exception to the rule. He has always bended the odds and logic like they were no concern for him. Just like he has done now, Spock thinks as he watches, mesmerized, the rise and fall of his _k'diwa_'s chest. Spock shivers from relief when McCoy ends the transfusion. He feels whole again.

~o~

_Dakh pthak. Nam-tor ri ret na'fan-kitok fa du dakh pthak._

But he cannot, because he has failed logic. He feels fear, fear that his _las'hark_ burns out again. He fears what will become of him if that would happen. He fears, but he is not ashamed.

For this is my _t'hy'la_ and I have the right to feel for him, he thinks when he keeps vigil at his captain's bedside.

~o~

"You love him, don't you." Uhura asks him softly the first time she comes to visit.

"_Ha, ni'droi'ik nar-tor._" He feels guilty for betraying Uhura this way, but he also knows that she will understand what finding _t'hy'la_ means for him and his people. So he tells her.

~o~

"He's coming around." The doctor tries to sound calm but Spock can hear the anticipation and the fear beneath. These two weeks have been hard for all of them.

His _ashayam_ moves again and then those blue eyes are open with a gasp and they are again full of life.

"Oh, don't be so melodramatic, you were barely dead." The doctor says, but the relief in his voice is plain for all the world to hear.

Spock watches his captain who is talking and smiling after two weeks of silence._ A miracle_. He has never before believed in miracles but here is the proof that they exist in front of his very eyes. And what an _e'tum_ miracle it is.

"I didn't." Hearing this, Spock steps forward and is yet again under the scrutiny of his _k'diwa_'s blue eyes. A position, he had thought for a few agonizing hours, where he would never find himself again. Now those eyes are sparkling and Jim is smiling that gentle smile he seems to have reserved only for him.

"You saved my life." His captain says with his weakened voice.

"Uhura and I had something to do with it too, you know." McCoy comments offhandedly. Jim huffs and rolls his eyes. Spock is relieved. This is the friend he knows.

"You saved my life and the lives of the..." Spock starts to say before his friend interrupts him.

"Shut up, just..." The captain seems to be searching for the right thing to say.

"Thank you." His _t'hy'la_ says softly, just smiling at him. Everything is as it should be.

~o~

**Translations:**

stislak = monster

las'hark = sun

Fa-wak shroi ri nash-veh nemut zhitlar = I will not listen to the words of my enemy.

shirshos'im = soul-eater

Stau! = Kill!

Kup-fun-tor ha'kiv na'ish du stau? = Can you return life to what you kill?

k'diwa = shortened form of address for beings who are each other's k'hat'n'dlaw; half of each other's heart soul

Dakh pthak. Nam-tor ri ret na'fan-kitok fa du dakh pthak. = Cast out fear. There is no room for anything else until you cast out fear.

t'hy'la = friend-brother-lover, soulmate

Ha, ni'droi'ik nar-tor. = Yes, I am sorry.

ashayam = beloved

e'tum = beautiful


End file.
